Title: ‘Now You SeaLion Him, Now You Don’t!’
Opening Scene: Honky is making sure the local ladies water-polo team are safe from perverts by watching them through a small hole he’s drilled in the wall of their changing room.
Medical Emergency: There’s an outbreak of the squits amongst the staff and customers of the local Garden Centre.
Crime Scene: Walbert G. SeaLion has disappeared! Will Honky find him? (Answer: No, he won’t. The actor who played him had recently died in mysterious circumstances that I am legally obliged not to connect with the Dutch).
Domestic Crisis: A strip of wallpaper in Honky’s dining room has started to peel off at the corner!
Fascinating Fact: No stuntmen died during the making of this episode. Unfortunately the same cannot be said for the catering crew who all died in tragic and mysterious circumstances, any connection to which were (once again!) strenuously denied by the Dutch.
Favourite Scene: Searching for a 24 Hour Wallpaper Paste Shop, Honky is attacked by a vicious street-gang of teenage octopi! Hopelessly outnumbered, Honky faces his doom! Suddenly, a Killer Whale with Human Breasts jumps out of a bin and, using a plank of wood with nails sticking out of it, savagely batters all the pubescent octopi to death! The legendary fighting-of-crime/healing-the-sick partnership of Honky Nincompoop and Fishface McBoobs is born thus, amongst the blood-soaked tentacles of their recently deceased tormentors!
Bonus Detail: Here’s a picture I created of Fishface McBoobs, played by Hollywood starlet and part-time hooker, Wilma T. Bermcrack the Third.
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The sexiest killer whale with human breasts in the history of showbiz! |
OH THIS IS TOO MUCH, MR CLUSTERFOOK! YOUR CRAZY BEHAVIOUR IS NOW UPSETTING MYSELF AND MY COUNTRYMEN TO THE UTMOST DEGREE!
ReplyDeleteHow many murders are you planning to accuse the honest and decent population of the Netherlands of?!
WHY ARE YOU DRAGGING UP THIS ANCIENT HISTORY?
I, Yasper Slotboom, on behalf of The Government of The Netherlands, AM DISGUSTED WITH YOU! We, the Dutch People, made it very clear at the time that we had NOTHING to do with the death of any member of the catering crew on this Honky Nincompoop TV show but HERE YOU ARE, so many years later, ACCUSING US ONCE AGAIN!
CEASE AND DESIST FROM YOUR PERSECUTION OF THE DUTCH!
Yours faithfully,
Yasper Slotboom.
MURDERERS!
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