Title: Donald, Where's Your Clownfish?
Opening Scene: It's 'National Hide A Tropical Fish Up Your Anus Day' and Honky is determined not to get involved because a) he finds the whole idea of this day to be pathetically juvenile and b) he still hasn't found/passed the Electric Blue Guppy he jammed up there last year. In a bid to avoid the whole appalling event he decides to spend the day locked in his underwater home with only a box set of 'Chunky O'Tiswas: Hermaphrodite Budgerigar P.I - Season 12' for company. But, as invariably happens in the wild and wonderful world of Merman Paramediterity, things don't go quite as planned!
Medical Emergency: Honky's Dentist, Donald Von Hottentot Jnr, a mild mannered but hopelessly alcoholic Pacific Viper Fish has come a cropper with his '...Anus Day' celebrations. Due to a combination of his bad memory and copious intake of home brew tequila, Donald has inserted not one but three thousand clownfish up his bumhole. With the local hospital completely unstaffed thanks to all the doctors and nurses being far too busy jamming fish up each other, Donald calls Honky on the Mer-Phone and begs for his help. Will Honky be able to remove three thousand clownfish from Donald's back end or will the clownfish eat him from the inside out?! Only time will tell!
Crime Scene: On his way to purchase a suitably sized nozzle for the vacuum cleaner that Honky intends to use to remove the clownfish from Donald's brown-eye, our half-man half-fish hero stumbles across an elderly Haddock who is being forced to dance for the amusement of local hoodlums. Honky's deep seated respect for the older generation drives him to intervene in the situation by grabbing a brick from a nearby building site and repeatedly bashing it over the heads of the local hoodlums. The elderly Haddock is extremely grateful for Honky's actions but Honky can't hang around to bask in the Haddock's gratitude because a) the Vacuum Cleaner Nozzle Shop is closing soon and b) several of the hoodlums appear to have died from their head injuries and Honky knows enough about the legal system to recognise that he will undoubtedly be charged with multiple murders if the police catch sight of this blood soaked scene.
Domestic Crisis: Honky's dog's got nits.
Fascinating Fact: The Vacuum cleaner nozzle attachment used in this show was later donated to a travelling showbiz artefact museum that toured schools, in order to give the children a brief glimpse into the glamorous world of 1970's TV. Tragically, due to lax hygiene practices of the time, the Nozzle was never cleaned and the resulting bacteria spread through the schools that the artefact museum visited, resulting in mass death on a scale not seen since the days of the Plague.
Favourite Scene: Interestingly, my favourite scene from this episode is actually an out-take blooper that I saw on a late night 'Making of...' Documentary about this episode in 1981. During the filming of the scene where the town's population simultaneously jam tropical fish up their mud chutes in a bid to beat the world record they set the previous year, a lighting rig falls on the actor playing 'Hoots McSnout', the Owl/Pig Hybrid who drove the mobile library/waffle dispensary. In a rare moment of good fortune, the falling lighting rig does not kill the actor and there is a moment of pure joy as the cast cheer and break into spontaneous dancing, convinved that the 'Curse of Honky' has finally been lifted. Seeing that moment brought tears of joy to my face as well as theirs. Sadly, minutes later, a runaway train derails and ploughs through the crowds, killing and maiming dozens of actors. Fortunately, none of them were essential to the plot or series in general. Phew!
Bonus Detail: If you look very closely at the Dolphin standing in the background of the scene set in the Restaurant (around twenty two minutes in, as I recall) you can see a Siamese Fightingfish fall out of his arse.
Have your say! Join the Honky Electronic Chin Wag! Do you remember this episode? Have you ever beaten a hoodlum to death with a brick? Do you have any amusing anecdotes about vacuum cleaner nozzles? Do you have anything up your bum? Leave a comment!
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